If adopting real animals stresses you out, and you’re not even sure you can commit to a tank of sea monkeys, have you ever considered adopting a cucumber?
Cucumbers are always quiet, well-behaved and completely hassle-free, particularly when you go through Hendrick’s (yes, like the gin) Cucumber Adoption Service.
The service, which operates through Facebook Messenger, takes care of your cucumber for you, from seed to full-grown plant. All you have to do is provide a name, make a few choices about its activities and watering preferences and receive updates on a twice weekly, weekly or fortnightly basis.
All this leads up to World Cucumber Day on June 14th, 2017 — an event I previously had no idea existed. On that day, apparently, there is a ‘harvest and garnish ceremony’ in which the brand behind the app, Hendrick’s, highly recommends you try out cucumber with its gin. It’s a blatant marketing tool, but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining.
The dialogue is top-shelf weird. For instance, when I asked for an update on my cucumber, the bot told me: “Your little green friend is in fine form today. Moist, zingy and full of vim.”
There was also: “Before you tiptoe off to the quietude of your bathtub, we’re going to ask you one final question, how would you like us to care for your cucumber today?”
If you enjoy a healthy dose of strange slightly Victorian-era nonsense directed at you every once in a while, this is the bot for you. Or if you just love cucumbers a lot.
To adopt your veggie baby, find the bot on Facebook Messenger here.